Can we definitively say whether a couple will divorce before walking down the aisle? In most cases, the answer is no. However, there are times when you can see a potential train wreck coming. So, how do you know if your marriage will last?
While there isn’t a simple answer, there are a few signs that can indicate whether a couple is more likely to divorce. If any of these issues are present in your relationship, it might be wise to address them before making that lifelong commitment.
Are You More Likely to Divorce?
Based on these eight factors, you might be.
1. Money Issues
When financial troubles arise, do you and your partner clash or come together to find solutions? How you handle money, both separately and together, is crucial.
If you’re constantly battling over finances instead of working as a team, this could be a warning sign. If one of you is bringing the other deeper into debt or has a history of not managing money well, it might be time to sit down with a financial advisor or therapist. Financial irresponsibility can lead to significant strain on a marriage.
2. The Woman Is More Financially Accomplished
A 2013 study by the University of Chicago School of Business found that divorce rates increase when a woman earns more than her husband. This may stem from outdated socio-cultural beliefs that men should be the primary breadwinners, leading some men to feel less important or threatened.
If you’re a successful woman, your partner might feel intimidated by your achievements. What can you do about this? Not much. If a man is threatened by your success, he may not be the right partner for you. And men, if your partner is financially successful, don’t you also benefit from her achievements? Don’t get caught up in old stereotypes.
3. Divorced Parents
Studies consistently show that if your parents divorced, you are more likely to divorce as well. However, this isn’t a fate you’re doomed to repeat. Instead of viewing your parents’ divorce as a predictor of your own, see it as a learning opportunity. Reflect on their mistakes and use those lessons to navigate conflict in your marriage or to choose a compatible partner.
Believing too strongly that you’re destined to divorce because your parents did is fatalistic. Learn from their experiences—it might just be the gift that strengthens your relationship.
4. Lack of Sexual Intimacy
If you and your partner are gradually having less sex, you’re entering dangerous territory. Sexual intimacy is vital to a healthy marriage. While you don’t need to be intimate every night, a consistent decline in sexual activity is a red flag. A lack of intimacy often signals deeper issues within the relationship.
5. Different Values or Backgrounds
Having different values or backgrounds can lead to significant challenges in a marriage. For example, a colleague of mine came from a liberal background, while her ex-husband was from a conservative one. Initially, they respected each other’s views, but as they began raising children, their differing belief systems caused increasing conflict.
If you and your partner have fundamentally different life views, it can lead to difficulties—especially when it comes to raising a family. While this doesn’t guarantee failure, it’s important to acknowledge the potential challenges.
6. Marrying Young
Marrying at a young age can be risky because people’s interests and lives can change significantly as they grow older. The person you are at 40 is often very different from who you were at 20.
That said, young love can work. I know couples who married at 15 and 16 years old and recently celebrated their 40th anniversary. However, marrying young requires a strong commitment and a willingness to grow together, not apart.
7. Fighting Dirty Instead of Fighting Smart
If you and your partner engage in fights where the goal is to hurt each other, expect one of those fights to eventually end your marriage. In a loving relationship, even when you’re angry or hurt, you don’t aim to cause pain.
Healthy conflict resolution is crucial in a marriage. Choose your battles wisely and avoid accusatory language. Be careful with your words—once spoken, they can’t be taken back.
8. Holding Grudges
If either of you claims to forgive but never forgets, this is a toxic habit that can destroy your relationship. True forgiveness means letting go of past grievances. Holding onto old resentments will eat away at your partnership until there’s nothing left but ashes.
What to Do If You See These Signs
If you recognize any of these behaviors in your relationship, don’t despair. Instead, focus on what you can change. If the issues are significant, consider counseling. If you’re not yet married but see potential problems, pre-marital counseling might be a wise choice. It’s better to address these issues now than to say “I do” and later regret it.
