Divorce is never easy, and it can become even more complicated when an angry ex is involved. The emotional pain and frustration can lead some people to take extreme steps to gain control or inflict emotional distress. If you’re in the middle of a divorce and your ex is exhibiting hostile behavior, you might feel overwhelmed, but remember, you are not alone. Here’s what you need to know about some common tactics an angry ex might use and how to protect yourself.
False Accusations of Abuse
An ex might resort to making false accusations of abuse against you or your children. This is often a tactic used to frighten or manipulate you into conceding to their demands. It can be incredibly distressing to face such accusations, especially when they’re entirely unfounded. Remember, their goal may be to intimidate you into doing something against your best interests. Stay calm and do not fall into the trap of engaging in emotional battles. Instead, document everything and work closely with your attorney to protect yourself legally.
Limiting Access to Marital Assets
For many stay-at-home parents or those financially dependent on their spouse, a common tactic used during a contentious divorce is limiting access to marital assets. An angry ex may cut off your access to shared bank accounts, credit cards, or other financial resources to punish or control you. To safeguard yourself, ensure your name is on all marital assets before filing for divorce. Open a separate account in your name and move any funds you may need to cover essential expenses. Being proactive in this way can prevent being left without financial support.
Delaying the Divorce Through the Discovery Process
An ex who is angry or bitter may attempt to slow down the divorce proceedings by abusing the discovery process. They might refuse to respond to document requests or flood you with unnecessary paperwork and demands through their attorney. This is designed to overwhelm you and delay the finalization of the divorce. To counter these tactics, hire a lawyer who is experienced in dealing with high-conflict divorces and can swiftly take action to compel responses through the court system.
Refusal to Honor Verbal Agreements
Many couples try to minimize conflict during the divorce process by making verbal agreements. Unfortunately, an angry ex might not honor these informal agreements, causing more conflict and stress. It’s crucial to have any agreement, no matter how small, put in writing and signed by both parties and their attorneys. This ensures that your ex cannot back out or change terms unexpectedly, leaving you unprotected.
Demanding 50/50 Custody to Gain Leverage
If children are involved, your ex may demand 50/50 custody as a way to maintain control or gain leverage over you, especially if they know you are reluctant to share custody. This tactic can be emotionally exhausting and manipulative. Instead of engaging in a battle, consider starting with a reasonable custody arrangement, like 50/50, from the beginning. This approach can eliminate any leverage they might have and focus on what’s genuinely in the best interests of the children—ensuring they maintain a healthy relationship with both parents.
Attempting to Control Your Personal Life
After separation, an angry ex may try to control your personal life by monitoring your activities or even spying on you. They might use social media, mutual friends, or even private investigators to dig up dirt. This invasion of privacy can feel like a violation of your personal space and autonomy. Protect yourself by being cautious about what you share online and maintaining privacy in all aspects of your life.
Using Children as Pawns
In the midst of a high-conflict divorce, some exes might use the children as tools to inflict pain. This could manifest as withholding visitation, making derogatory comments about you in front of them, or manipulating them to turn against you. This behavior is not only harmful to you but also deeply damaging to the children. Keep records of any such incidents and work closely with a legal professional to ensure your children’s well-being is protected.
Lack of Interest in Seeing Their Children
On the other hand, some exes may show little to no interest in maintaining a relationship with their children, only to use this as a means to emotionally hurt you. While this behavior is painful, it is important to focus on providing a stable, loving environment for your children. Document any inconsistencies in your ex’s behavior and communicate with your lawyer about potential impacts on custody arrangements.
Protecting Yourself During a Difficult Divorce
Divorce is a challenging process, and when an ex is angry, it can feel like you’re navigating a battlefield. But you have the strength and resources to protect yourself. Be aware of the tactics they might use, document everything meticulously, and rely on your support network—including your attorney, friends, and family. Remember, the end goal is not just to finalize the divorce but to come out of it with your dignity intact and ready to start a new chapter in your life.
