2. What is your approach to handling false allegations and reputation smears?
One unfortunate reality in divorces involving a narcissist is the likelihood of smear campaigns and false accusations. Narcissists may lie to paint you as unstable, unfit, or irresponsible. They want to control the narrative—and they’ll go to great lengths to make you look bad to anyone who will listen, including your attorney, the court, and even your children. Knowing how an attorney responds to these tactics is critical.
Why it matters: You need a lawyer who can stay calm, focused, and strategic, without letting the narcissist’s antics derail the case. Look for an attorney who emphasizes a fact-based, evidence-driven approach to combatting false claims. An effective response is grounded in documentation and credible witnesses, rather than reacting emotionally or defensively.
Follow-up: “How do you handle cases where the opposing party frequently lies or distorts facts?” You want to hear that your attorney relies on evidence, cross-examinations, and objective proof to address and disprove these tactics effectively.
3. How do you communicate with clients going through high-stress divorces?
High-conflict divorces are emotionally exhausting, and narcissists thrive on keeping you off balance. They’ll push buttons, create last-minute “emergencies,” and try to wear you down mentally and emotionally. During this time, you need an attorney who can offer clear, consistent, and supportive communication.
Why it matters: An attorney with a structured communication plan can help bring calm and control to the chaos. Look for someone who offers regular updates and a predictable communication schedule, rather than someone who only contacts you when things escalate. You’ll need a lawyer who reassures you, advises you to stay focused, and helps you avoid common pitfalls in response to a narcissist’s provocations.
Follow-up: “How do you handle client communication, especially during intense phases of the case?” This is where you can gauge their empathy and willingness to support you without adding to your stress.
4. What strategies do you use to protect assets and prevent financial abuse?
Financial abuse is common in divorces with narcissists, who often see money and assets as tools for control. They may try to hide assets, drain joint accounts, or push you to settle for far less than you’re entitled to. An experienced attorney will understand how to protect your financial well-being from these tactics.
Why it matters: Protecting your assets requires a proactive approach. Look for an attorney who uses forensic accountants, insists on detailed financial disclosures, and knows the red flags for hidden assets. If you’re entitled to a fair share, your attorney should have the expertise to secure it, even if it means going through complex financial documentation and investigative work.
Follow-up: “What experience do you have in uncovering hidden assets?” Their answer should reflect a level of diligence and a network of resources they can tap into to uncover any attempts to hide money or property.
5. How do you prioritize child custody in high-conflict cases?
Narcissists can sometimes use children as pawns in a divorce, manipulating custody arrangements as a way to exert control. They may accuse you of being an unfit parent or try to create situations where they appear to be the more stable caregiver. Ensuring your children’s best interests are prioritized is crucial, and you need an attorney who is both sensitive and strategic about protecting your relationship with your children.
Why it matters: Custody battles with a narcissist can be intense and deeply emotional. You need an attorney who puts the children’s welfare first and can advocate for custody arrangements that protect them from emotional harm. Look for a lawyer who understands the importance of maintaining stability for the children and who is familiar with how to document and demonstrate parenting fitness if the narcissist attempts to disparage your abilities as a parent.
Follow-up: “How do you handle cases where one parent may be using the children to manipulate or control the other parent?” Their answer should reflect an understanding of the psychological aspects of custody battles with a narcissist, along with a focus on children’s well-being.
Navigating a divorce from a narcissist is challenging, but having the right attorney can make all the difference. They’ll be the ally who helps you stay calm, focused, and on the path to reclaiming your life. Asking these five key questions can ensure you’re choosing an attorney who is not only legally skilled but also psychologically savvy. Remember, you’re not alone—there are professionals who understand the unique battles of divorcing a narcissist and are ready to stand by you every step of the way.
